It's a long long journey

Finally, gotta meet Aile today...

Haha. She said she's seen me b4. At Selegie, when I went to see Ros n Codd.

Hmm. But would have to go thru another personality test b4 she can confirm me.

OOOh... I remember thinking -- Yes, filling this again for u, Daddy. And do my best.

So gonna wait for another call on Monday from their HR. By God's Grace.

But not gonna do anything rash b4 it's confirmed.

It's a Long Long Journey... as Jen sings...

Corrinne May - Journey
From the album "Fly Away"

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through

Cause it's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Cause it's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
To you

Loved her sharing:
"the moon -- it's the satellite of love"
"to be connected to God" -- grow to our full potential
"photography -- how I see the world"
"crab is not crabby (...) to grow, we've to expose ourselves, be vulnerable."

High Five, Daddy!

hmm. no time to fix the ad banner yet... till can't see it properly... gotta shift down the ht.

8668, 8188-8-0

My previous post certainly sounds pretty suicidal.

Hmm. Woke up to a call from SC's HR.

10am tmr with orig. certs.
8668 Aile

Well, anyway, things would have to be settled by June 2.

Can't imagine I could be approached at this age, and day and time...
Zhen said he looks like a slacker. Ha. Hmm. Camera sales, he says. At Sim Lim Sq.

True.

Rejected an interview this morning -- wow. wasn't she rude. maybe she's jus busy. who am I to judge anyway.

Maybe I shld jus stop the no. retention to my new no.
whahaha.

yeah... entertaining myself...

*daydreams*

Perhaps I shld go do my DISC again. And Fat Analysis report.

And bring my Mum for massage and spa.

Feel like going back to school -- well, MOE offered. I could be back in school for two years.

But kinda feel like time is running out.

But a MASTERS is certainly in order. Or shld I get my head permanently damaged too, some time down the line? Kinda tired of Dad saying "that person very smart, got this, got that, Masters, Phd"... ggrrrrrrr.

It's a piece of paper. Why would you like me to get it, cos it's gonna get me more money, is that what? Haiz.

If life is simply thus, then it's a raining-cats-and-dogs doom and gloom. *cue rain throwing themselves against panes*

Ouestion of the day: Wat would you think if someone offered to become a Christian, jus for you? *He had better never read this post*

Feathers RUFFLED

Irritating "kids" on the TV -- singing "kissy kissy kissy kissy"...

Won't ppl jus let these teeny bopper stars grow up? Are fans all so shallow?

My gosh.

But, feathers were ruffled by something else:

Haiz. I don't know if I shld update my parents... or rather, my Dad, about my status. When I received the letter from MOE, I wanted to hide it.

"Why don't you get a mainstream job, and not think about money?"
"Well, cos you'd want money,"
"But you don't seem eager enough,"
"I'm not eager enough... why do you think that...? *I'm not eager enough!!!???*"
"..."

Don't think they understand. Do they?
Are they gonna be happy. They never seem happy with what I've achieved anyway. Like I'm a disgrace. Are they disgraces too? Am I simply fulfilling what they not fulfilled in life? WHAT DO U WANT?

I left my previous employment partly cos of surrounding circumstances, and my parents. Of cos, what is important is that I get more time with the Lord, and more time with the people I'd like to spend more time with -- granny, parents, friends.

That I won't let my parents down - probably the hurt still stems from what they have said so long ago - that I'm never good enough. Sometimes I'm just so sick... pls shut up. This is going to take a lot of work. Hard work. To F_R_I_E.

*House, by the lake*1
*Travelling, sharing abt Him and the Joy, learning people's cultures*
and a sparking *S*2... thot it stood for something. My work?

S stands for? Standchart, SPH, Stars in the sky. hahah.

Saw 1 during e G12 conference.
Saw 2 recently.

Would Aile call me soon? When?
MOE would need me to turn up on June 2 to accept offer.
SPH's writing test's May 31.
When she does call, would I have to say yes on the spot?

Not good.
I'm letting things get to me now. Not good.

Going for my run now. Maybe I just need some endorphins in my blood.

23.57, 10.01, 17.45

Travel... n Living.

Nice travel, lifestyle feature -- haah. Don't think I can live with being a cook. I'd beat myself up too much abt the fats and sugar I'm putting it in to make it yummy-licious. *smiles the purple devil*

100 gms of sugar
300 gms of cream
500 gms of castor sugar...

will probably turn into

100 gms of guilt
300 gms of tears
500 gms of fats!

whhahaha.

Calv called me last nite (Wed nite)... at almost 12, 23.57... giving me a scare! Just b4 he goes for his shopping trip to BKK. "I've got bad news for you..." he started. Nice, jus b4 his trip...

Don't like how he puts me down. *shakes head. uh uh. shakes head, refusing to accept what he says as the truth* There is nothing wrong with being at peace. And there is definitely something wrong operating out of fear, and not love. :D

"NEXT - never trust a skinny cook" -- haha. wat amusing programme names.

Make money. Pay it forward. Travel. And most imptly, share with the unfortunate. Know my family. Praise the Lord for my fortunes. Spread the Word. Pray for the poor.

"Aile will call you tomorrow,"
"Really, how come u know?"
"My agent, Cind, told me."
"Said my boss likes you a lot,"
"But I don't think I've met her b4"
"Maybe you'd want to check with Cind first..."

Cind gave me a call. 10.01.
"She'll give you a call about late afternoon today".

Called Cind at 17.45.
"Has she called you yet?"

Is she going to call me tmr... or? Strange. Is this wat I'm waiting for?

Is this the 1-yr contract or the perm position? When do I start? Next week? Which branch would I be? Cisco? Peace?

Sure?

Yes. Trust, in His Hands.

I still like to write definitely. Maybe it'd be easier for me, if I simply pursue it as a past-time. Like volunteering. HA.

To start watching the CNN, conssttaannt nnnneeggaatiivee neewwssss? Or the CNBCs, the BBCs?

Talking movies. Write. Music. Advertising -- People. Banking.

Writing movies. Tap.tap.tap.tap.tap.tappity.tap.

Camera. Video Camera. FinalCut Pro. Imovie. A story. A voice. Your voices. Your images -- your pictures.

Monday Lifestyle 21.00, FilmArt 22.00 on ArtsCentral.

Tree top on MONDAY. Closed on a Monday -- out of all days... TRY NOT TO MAKE THINGS SO SAFE FOR US. AND PEOPLE SHLD TRY NOT TO COMPLAIN ABT THINGS BEING NOT SAFE. Catch-22.
Beautiful. Walking up Upp Thomson side of SICC with Roge n SzeS. Could almost imagine I'm somewhere I could see an unblemished horizon. And the lakeside, which the Lord revealed to me... bliss.

NEW YORK. HK. AUSTRALIA. GREECE. TURKEY. EGYPT.

By the way, gmail's down -- to send to myself, or not?

And to get my butt off the sofa now for my exercise... there's a reason too, why MSN is down. HAH!

Kota Tinggi May Day 2005

Clambered up as fast as I could.
Losing stamina as the years go by.
Can't imagine not having a break after so many years.
The last many day break was spent in the clinic, then bed-rest...
Lost him/her finally forever, I'd never know.
Lord, forgive me for my transgression
I'm sorry.
Now sitting here.
Feeling almost strange to be resting.
Not used to not doing something.
Haha.
At least I could squat today.
Many fabulous pictures of the climb up KT, and the magnificent waterfalls.
So cool. So cooling.
Eyes see. The fireflies, the rain, the stars, so many I can't even tell where's Orion.
The heart feels... at one, the greens, the living creatures.
Shared with cell So, El, We, that I fear that I might turn out to be like my Dad.
Scary. Very.
No, don't be. They said.
Trust, in His Provisions.
Trust.
At Peace, at Ease.
Doing what I can.
Don't want to be doing nothing for too long.
Read, pack up.
Pray and love the Lord.
Simple wishes.
Big, almost greedy, dreams. :P