What is life?: October 2005

Sunday, October 30, 2005

estea's Voice <-- weblink

(unadulterated)

Majesty - Here I am

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am...
(sw swallowed my voice!)

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Here I am.

Majesty (Here I Am)

Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice


Written by Stu Garrard/Martin Smith ©2003 Curious? Music UK

Pain still lives in me, apparently. Do I know it, do I not know it? I am not completely free -- free to run, free to fly.
Help myself first before I can help others, or could I turn this logic on its head?
How different are His Ways with the world's?

And I've money sprinkled on the floor... do u know what that means?

Friday, October 21, 2005

Steve Jobs speech at Stanford

How many times have we read something like this, and was inspired? Many.... I hope to STAY INSPIRED. :) To all inspirors and inspirees

Stanford Report, June 14, 2005
Text of Commencement address by Steve Jobs

This is the prepared text of the address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer
and of Pixar Animation Studios, who spoke at Commencement on June 12, 2005.



I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the
finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college.
Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college
graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life.
That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then
stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really
quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed
college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption.
She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates,
so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer
and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last
minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a
waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have
an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My
biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated
from college and that my father had never graduated from high school.
She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few
months later when my patents promised that I would someday go to
college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college
that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class
parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six
months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to
do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it
out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved
their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would
all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it
was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I
could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and
begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the
floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits
to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every
Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I
loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity
and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one
example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy
instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every
label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I
had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided
to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about
serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space
between different letter combinations, about what makes great
typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in
a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life.
But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh
computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac.
It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never
dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never
had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since
Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer
would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never
dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not
have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was
impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college.
But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only
connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots
will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something -
your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let
me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky - I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I
started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and
in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a
$2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our
finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just
turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company
you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was
very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so
things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge
and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of
Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out.
What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was
devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had
let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped
the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and
Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a
very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the
valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me - I still loved what
I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had
been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start
over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple
was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness
of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner
again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the
most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another
company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would
become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer
animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful
animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple
bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at
NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I
have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been
fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the
patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick.
Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going
was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And
that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is
going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly
satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to
do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet,
keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll
know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets
better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find
it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live
each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be
right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33
years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If
today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about
to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days
in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've
ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because
almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of
embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of
death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that your are
going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you
have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not
to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in
the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't
even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost
certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect
to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go
home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare
to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd
have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to
make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as
possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a
biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my
stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got
a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there,
told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors
started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of
pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and
I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the
closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can
now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a
useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want
to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No
one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is
very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change
agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the
new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually
become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is
quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other
people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out
your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow
your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly
want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole
Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was
created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo
Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the
late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it
was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was
sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came
along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great
notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth
Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final
issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of
their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road,
the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so
adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."
It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay
Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you
graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Pruning. Potter's Hands -- take it away, even Lack.

Prunes, as a Potter's Hands mold.
Another part of me falls away.
Laid to rest.
Prunes, again.
As weeds grow.
Everyday, an unceasing affair.

Tea at Sun Island resort.
Does tea cure cough? Not too sure.

Burppsss...
gluttony rears its ugly head.
lust rears its ugly head.

How do u measure up? In all sense of the word HOW.

"You take very good care of yourself alright? :)
you sound a bit down tonight, chin up!
Tomorrow will be bright and sunny!
Happy hugs."

Tears can't even find the right words to say.
Silent, thus they are.

"Come live in me, all my life, take over.
Come breathe in me, I will rise,
on eagle's wings..."

Where are the guts I have?
Ask and you shall receive.

"The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
~Psalm 23

Sunday, October 16, 2005

I met Mr. Rain again

Woke relatively late... oops. Gotttta rush. Meeting SH to pick up a bible for LX. Had a nice chat with her. Sweet and petite lady. I thot the Chinese Bible looked really presentable... (not like my dog-earred one now. haha. not as if I'm super steeped in the Word)

Read my books in the flapping wind and clapping thunder, but thoroughly enjoying myself facing the azure seas, tossing and turning the waves, saw peeps with their dogs, couples blading hand-in-hand. (ah. blissful. reminds me of... ), stuffed my bags into the locker, no time to blade, opted to jog... and met Mr. Rain. not too bad. haven't met him in a long time. drizzles, drizzles, painful patter.

Met up with ShaSha -- spent time going thru paper. Comforting, I think, for me. haha. To be able to spend time with her. Better word than "transmit" --> "instill".

Met SehSuan too -- had a good long chat on Christianity. Water tension made Jesus walk on water? or simply it's a miracle he performs, but our minds just has to explain it to ourselves so tt our not-so-groovy brains can accept it. Thank you, for passing me the NDP comm mags -- great memories for all, I'm sure.

Nice prussian blue clamdiggers looked on Shasha, but didn't fit her well enough, she thinks.

Another ACCt. Pains my heart. Not another BK. Not b penny-wise, pound-foolish. Do enjoy our conversations when we do have them.

Gathering steam for Sat Oct 22 gathering. Are people gonna to not turn up again? We don't suffer fr bad case of body odour, do we? :P JS just told me he's spoken to longlost HK b4 on ICQ. Added him straightaway... and MESSAGED him on +86 no. In China now apparently. wow. a good 10 yrs. incredible.

Have to call Mr. Chin. too.

"Are you free this Thurs or Sun?" No, am not. "Oh, gonna to intro u someone..." Oh, who's that? "A very nice boy. Dad met his parents while making his glasses," What's on. "Jap pianist at kaikan" MUMBLES: I'm not gonna be shakubuku-ed lor. Esp if they are gonna be becoming JB. argh.

Thinking of going with them for dinner before the event to ask for permission to be baptised. What a jaw-dropping and face-droopy event.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Lost in Translation

Lovely time spent together with Dear Sis CH yesterday.

Getting lost. . . in miscomms and assumptions.................................

:P And I was grateful for the painless pardon... grateful. grateful.
------------------
Went out with LX for movie. Called cell leader SH, tho hasn't got her... shall start to encourage her to go cell. :)
------------------
Spoke to MW for 42min 20secs. Interesting -- can still talk for so long on the line... asked to get multvits for my Mum even when I'm not thinking of doing so. He's got a kind heart. :) *thanksgiving, thanksgiving* And I did laugh a lot.

.......
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Demand and Supply Business. Something that I believe in. Health, nutrition. Dance. Service. People.
------------------
"Met" a very active.expressive.analytical fren -- check out his blog -- http://sehsuan.clubsnap.org/

Thursday, October 06, 2005

W.H.I.M.S.I.C.A.L.

W.H.I.M.S.I.C.A.L.

completely.

"What's your dream?"

歌曲:丝路 歌手:梁静茹

如果流浪是你的天赋
那么你一定是我最美的追逐
如果爱情是你的游牧
拥有过是不是该满足
谁带我踏上孤独的丝路
追逐你的脚步
谁带我离开孤独的丝路
感受你的温度
我将眼泪流成天山上面的湖
让你疲倦时能够扎营停驻
羌笛声胡旋舞为你笑为你哭
爱上你的全部放弃我的全部
爱上了你之后我开始领悟
陪你走了一段最唯美的国度
爱上了你之后我从来不哭
谁是谁的幸福
我从来不在乎
谁是谁的旅途
我只要你记住
星星就是穷人的珍珠
你的笑支撑着我虔诚的最初
狂风沙是我单薄衣服
穿越过亚细亚的迷雾
羌笛声胡旋舞为你笑为你哭(ho~为你哭)
hey爱上你的全部放弃我的全部(我的全部)
云破日出
你是那道光束
带着平凡的我走过奇迹旅途
爱上了你之后我从来不哭(no~oh~)
我从来不在乎(我不在乎)
谁是谁旅途
我只要
你记住


That's me, 2nd from top -- unflattering, but what the heck, I had fun with a fabulous group of frens

Tuesday, October 04, 2005



My sis and I during granddad's birthday...

*testing 1, 2,3*

Monday, October 03, 2005

2nd best

Acutely felt the sense of inadequacy again -- it's such a strange feel...

To think that it is an affliction that had plagued me, and probably by now, it's now all gone...

But simply an outing could bring back all those insecurities, shame, and guilt.

"No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will hold to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon" Matthew 6:24

"But seek first His Kingdom, and these things shall be added to you" Luke 12:31

"Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" Matthew 6.34

Sunday, October 02, 2005

What great joy to give up what you want badly... but not meant to be.

Some things are just not meant to be said, as they are not meant to be.

I SHALL keep my peace.

Chase after my Purpose -- others, in His time, not mine.

And I pray...

A_A_I_ M_R_S_E_T_
"Your House"

I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
I opened your door without ringing the bell
I walked down the hall
Into your room
Where I could smell you
And I shouldn't be here, without permission
I shouldn't be here

Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon

I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
I went through your drawers
And found your cologne
I went down to the den
I found your cd's
And I played your Joni
And I shouldn't stay long, you might be home soon
I shouldn't stay long

Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon

I burned your incense
I ran a bath
And I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said "Hello love, I love you so love, meet me at midnight"
And no, it wasn't my writing
I'd better go soon
It wasn't my writing

So forgive me love
If I cry in your shower
So forgive me love
For the salt in your bed
So forgive me love
If I cry all afternoon