What is life?: January 2005

Monday, January 31, 2005

Now I'm killing myself...

I see myself in the mirror -- I see a distracted shell, a mindless soul... gray where it used to be white... and food in front of me.

Food scares me, yet draws me. I'm not even hungry. Think I shld have to be treated for addiction...

Thot I got rid of this OLD fren, but it's back to accompany me again, when I'm stressed, when I feel alone. *sad*

Food heals, food kills. It has been shown scientifically that eating more than we shld shortens our life spans.

Liting:

dear Father, I pray that you give Sophia strength, to overcome her weaknesses, for you've said, "your strength is made perfect in our weaknesses"
Father, we know that it is not easy and we always fail. And we wonder why we even bother...
Father, you have set the standards so high, that it is so difficult sometimes.
But, Lord, help us not do everything out of ritualistic routines
But, help us to do it out of love for you, because you have first loved us.
Father, help us to receive your love, and know that even as we are not perfect, you do not condemn us.
Because, you said, you did not come for the righteous, but you came for the sinners
So, dear Father, lavish Sophia with your love, fill her with your strength, that as she trains her eyes on you, you will remove the obstacles
And, Sophia, out of you, will flow rivers of living water!
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Mum is trying to kill me...

Seriously, if I am covered for more insurance -- I would think Mum was trying to kill me...

First I woke to 16 degrees cold air blowing at my face... and power tripped again (becos of the sttttooopid dish washer) when it could be prevented, and had a basket falling on me cos I went to flip the blue switch...

Arrrggghhh.

29/01/05
New wine for the new generation

John 2:11
"This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him." where Jesus made new wine from water.

Jesus shows that He takes orders from God alone -- He gently chides Mary for involving him but he meets the need for wine quietly as it's a disgrace to run out of wine. As he turns the water into wine -- it signifies the change of era that Jesus came to institutionalise.

John calls them "signs".

Signs in Greek is "semeion" which denotes "acts that call for the exercise of supernatural power" and with that, it would "force" a decision to believe or disbelieve.

1. Jesus came to transform.

a) He transforms our MISTAKES into MIRACLES, obstacles into opportunities.

There was once a boy who lost his right arm, he became very despondent. But one day he wanted to learn JUDO, thus his mother was all for it, and even sent him to a judo school overseas. Once there, even tho he was without his right arm, the master sensei taught him.
1st day -- Stroke 1, 2, 3, killer move. 2nd day -- Stroke 1, 2, 3, killer move. 3rd day -- Stroke 1, 2, 3, killer move. 4th day -- Stroke 1, 2, 3, killer move. 5th day -- Stroke 1, 2, 3, killer move.
Soon, the boy asked, isn't he supposed to learn other things, but the sensei asked him to be patient, and taught the boy as such.

Soon, the boy started competing and won competitions, first locally, regionally, all by using his KILLER MOVE. Then, he was entered into an international competition, where he easily reached finals. He faced his toughest opponent, two heads taller. While being thrown around, he kept his cool, and waited for his chance. When it did, he executed his KILLER MOVE, and pinned his opponent down and WON. The boy was delirious with joy, and his mum wore her smile with pride and gratitude.

Finally, the boy proceeded to ask his sensei how is the KILLER MOVE so potent... first, his sensei said, he has learnt the killer move well. Second, for the opponent to break this move, is to grab his right arm...

MORAL OF THE STORY:
It could be the biggest mistake we have made, but if we shld be willing, and give it back to Him, he could turn it into our greatest advantage.

b) Transforms our religiosity/rituals into reality
wine -- symbol of inner joy, turning external rituals into inner joys.

He came to institute a new era of GRACE. The new covenant of grace doesn't make us lawless, the law-giver now lives IN us, which is even more demanding.

ie. Previously we would have sinned if we committed the ACT of adultery, now it would be sinful to simply think of it.

Proverbs 4:23 "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life (New American Standard Bible)"

A religion of the heart. It's not concerned with protocol, but purity. Not so much with precision, but passion. Not with exact programme of how things are run, but power of His Words.

c) Transforms Scarcity into Abundance
As He transforms water into wine, he did so not simply one jar, but six jars, which will probably yield about 180 gallons of wine. Since the wedding is at the tail-end, the guests do not need that much, but He is an extravagant giver.

1 Kings 17
The Widow of Zarephath

8 Then the word of the LORD came to him, saying, 9"Go now to Zarephath, which belongs to Sidon, and live there; for I have commanded a widow there to feed you." 10So he set out and went to Zarephath. When he came to the gate of the town, a widow was there gathering sticks; he called to her and said, "Bring me a little water in a vessel, so that I may drink." 11As she was going to bring it, he called to her and said, "Bring me a morsel of bread in your hand." 12But she said, "As the LORD your God lives, I have nothing baked, only a handful of meal in a jar, and a little oil in a jug; I am now gathering a couple of sticks, so that I may go home and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it, and die." 13Elijah said to her, "Do not be afraid; go and do as you have said; but first make me a little cake of it and bring it to me, and afterwards make something for yourself and your son. 14For thus says the LORD the God of Israel: The jar of meal will not be emptied and the jug of oil will not fail until the day that the LORD sends rain on the earth." 15She went and did as Elijah said, so that she as well as he and her household ate for many days. 16The jar of meal was not emptied, neither did the jug of oil fail, according to the word of the LORD that he spoke by Elijah.
Elijah Revives the Widow's Son 17 After this the son of the woman, the mistress of the house, became ill; his illness was so severe that there was no breath left in him. 18She then said to Elijah, "What have you against me, O man of God? You have come to me to bring my sin to remembrance, and to cause the death of my son!" 19But he said to her, "Give me your son." He took him from her bosom, carried him up into the upper chamber where he was lodging, and laid him on his own bed. 20He cried out to the LORD, "O LORD my God, have you brought calamity even upon the widow with whom I am staying, by killing her son?" 21Then he stretched himself upon the child three times, and cried out to the LORD, "O LORD my God, let this child's life come into him again." 22The LORD listened to the voice of Elijah; the life of the child came into him again, and he revived. 23Elijah took the child, brought him down from the upper chamber into the house, and gave him to his mother; then Elijah said, "See, your son is alive." 24So the woman said to Elijah, "Now I know that you are a man of God, and that the word of the LORD in your mouth is truth."

Notice the "words of scarcity" spoken by the widow, and pay heed to the "words of abundance" spoken by the prophet.

John 10:10
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."

Ephesians 1:7-8
"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace" (NIV)
"Christ sacrificed his life's blood to set us free, which means that our sins are now forgiven. Christ did this because God was so kind to us. God has great wisdom and understanding"(Contemporary English Version)
"In Him we have redemption (deliverance and salvation) through His blood, the remission (forgiveness) of our offenses (shortcomings and trespasses), in accordance with the riches and the generosity of His gracious favor" (Amplified Bible)



Wat do u remember most about your childhood?

Breakthru! *Daddy upstairs is really good to me. Actually helped me find matching wooden curtain rod holders. My goodness. "God is good, all the time..."*

I love my parents. I do, just tt they are so exasperating at times -- last nite I couldn't help it but close the door-- cos Daddy kept complaining about wat is happening at work.

Attitude is so important. My attitude towards my work too, but I'm really just so tired. And poor from working. Poor mentally, penny-wise, spirits-wise. And feeling this extreme lack. A stronghold in my family... to suffer from lack for all these years?? Had this lack for erm, almost as long as I remember... 1985, 86?? Did someone curse us? HAhahahaa. Just woke from a 12-hr sleep. Still tired. Can't really open my eyes... Think I'd rather be studying or something. :P *Is that why ppl spend so much time in school, getting MBAs or research??? :P No offence to all my frens furthering your studies, I look up to you guys a lot, cos I know it's not easy. :) I would love to be able to do tt. :D*

I was wiping the floors with the wet MagicClean when the smell triggered the reminiscence of times when I was an only child for six years. Thank goodness for that or else I'll be tt much neglected and Dad and Mum used babywipes exclusively FOR ME!! ME! :P

*It's a freezing 16 deg... cos the aircon outside is spoilt till the repairman repairs it NEXT WEEK. and our aircon is on to full blast to "contribute" to the living room... BRRRRRR. I woke from the cold to rush to loo and put on sweater and long pants... STILL COLD. Mum says it's comfortable outside in the living room... I KNOE... but I can't type properly in here... and my nose is running away*

Talking to Mum and Dad just now... recognised that Dad was sort of neglected as a child, so tend to air grievances cos he felt owed. *Breakthru!* I guess awareness can do a lot. Now I'm not so much looking at my Dad complaining per se, but the reason he's been doing it, maybe he doesn't want to, but it's HIS form of release. I guess I do tt too, to some extent. But not as bad, so thus I beseech parents to be again, please LAVISH loving care and attention to your kids, or not have them b4 u ruin their lives forever, or have them ruin other ppl's lives forever.

*I must be sneezing for a reason... activity creates heat. haha. so that I can stand up to the cold. COLD COLD COLD... Snnneezzzee.*

Bought the book -- 'Seek God and Live' - Yes. Tt's wat life should be. Shall be. Would be. Me and my family. Kids in tow. FUn. Sharing, Loving GOd. Haha.

*Hmm. Someone jus logged in on MSN -- Basic Instinct, who's tt? Let's see... Hmm. C jus logged in too. Not going out on a Sunday...? Hmm. *

*MAN, it's really )&$(*#&*(&$# cold. Thot I got transported back to the NUS library. Typing on the ancient green-texted computers, searching for some long-lost text... i jus lost my fingers i think... got to find the aircon controller liao*

Yesterday's message -- nowadays the messages never fail to speak to me -- last week's too.

22/1/05 New Beginnings

Lamentations
3:22 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end;
(or "His Loving Kindness never ceases, compassion never fails.")
3:23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

It reveals His 1. Posture (towards us), 2. Provision, 3. Promise and 4. Prescription

1. Posture
a) that we are in His Favour -- His loving kindness never ceases -- never stops, never fails. Everytime you need it, it's there. And it never gets used up, nor worn out.
b) Compassion -- His Love, He focuses on us with love, with tender mercy, like a mother looking on her newborn baby.

2. Provision
"they are new every morning" -- they are always there for you to draw upon.
He has made available a new slate every morning. It's fresh, it's clean -- He will not remember the past -- He Lets Go.
Ephesians 4:26 -- "Let not the sun go down on your wrath". Do not hold grudges against your spouse over the night.

3. Promise
"I receive your new beginnings for today!"
He will NOT carry over your sins. He is READY to forget, to forgive. There are 365 opportunities a year to start anew.

4. Prescription
Leviticus 26:10 -- "And ye shall eat old store, and bring forth the old because of the new."
a) Accept His Grace for each New Day.
b) Allove Him to make a New Day, don't carry things over from yesterday.
c) Appropriate His Provision every day.

I pray for Wisdom, Creativity, Peace (for the world and peace of mind) and Love. Help me learn, come to you every day, and discipline.







Sunday, January 16, 2005

Would you go for Liposuction?

Met up with some of my friends yesterday... and one of them said she just went for liposuction... for her arms, she said she hated arms to be flabby.

Spent 3k on them in BKK. Wow. Another one of our frens started laughing -- tt she's the first among all his frens to like go get it done. I'm like still wow. I think it's very brave to go do it...

And idiotic W started grilling me abt D... strange. Now I do not know if they did it out of fun, or did D really tell W something. No matter. I have more pressing matters at hand. Like my binge-eating. Gross. haha. Need to remove the stress from my life -- or else life is gonna be sucked out of me, even b4 I get to know wat holds for.

I'm just too tired...

Amen.