Doomsday 31st Jul 2004

Time flies. It's already 31st Jul. Perhaps I shall start setting objectives instead of goals.

Unimaginably full. ("Eating makes one feel alive?" Hmm. Now I know how compulsive eating develops) And feeling pretty tired too. Hahhaa. Met two clients today... was at work till 6+ in the evening... Wondering wat's the point of work. We work to live, don't we? Why is it that most ppl seem to see it as life itself -- it's kinda sad, I think. Don't be mistaken -- I am totally supportive of being industrious. Nothing can be done without hardwork. Just tt it is certainly not the PURPOSE in life.

I believe when I know what I really want, I don't think I'd be doing what I'm doing now. Or rather, having the results that I have right now. (The latter sounds more right.)

I am missing something in life. Something I believe in, strongly. It used to be love, that has provided a driving force. (Or sex, as Freud would like us all to believe. :P) I am doing the best I can in wat I do, as I believe in being a good testimonial. But somehow undeniably -- I know I'm missing something. The problem is that I do not know wat is it. *Wat can be more frustrating?*

There are a lot of things I like doing. Travelling. Helping people. Being on stage. Play pool. Learning things. Teaching.

Perhaps Recognition? Love? More Respect? Money? Self-actualisation? Some part of me remains dormant. Maybe it's passion... for something. I think some part of me disbelieves in me. Hmmmmm...

Or perhaps I've been looking at all the wrong places. Being successful. Earning lots are things tt are nice to do, but perhaps tt's not my purpose? *Wonder wonder wonder*

Or perhaps I'm just tired of trying to prove myself. Ha!

Love has driven me to do some quite impossible things. Perhaps it's tt spark I lack. Perhaps. Perhaps. I think I've forgotten how it feels like. Tt sounds pretty pathetic. Maybe I've just toughened myself up so much, so that I do not have to feel hurt.

Boils down to balance. *Cue see saw* Crucial to life.

Someone is celebrating his/her birthday. One of my neighbours opposite. Could hear them singing birthday song. I'm 26 on 26 this year. Happens only once this lifetime.

Wonder how's Wu Zhaoyang... thot of him, cos he said I shld come attend his bd party, cos he's only 16 on the date 16 once in a lifetime. Couldn't make it cos was at Great-grandma's funeral. Irony. 10 yrs ago. *if u happen to &@*^$#* read my blog, u better comment immediately, miss my call when I called u in Texas. Leave msg with your Dad, u oso didn't call back. X((* Here's some more information about him, in case you are his friend, and chanced upon this -- University of Texas, Austin, graduated from Civil Engineering. Continued doing his Masters. Shld have gotten his green card by now.

Perhaps I shld try friendster...